Normally, Jakks plug-n-play TV Games cost less than $20, so while each thematic bundle is unimpressive on almost every level, at least the lot of them are aptly priced as novelties; practically disposable.

Now, as the name and the packaging implies, Ultimotion SwingZone Sports (subtitled as a "Motion Controlled Video Game") pretends at offering a low cost alternative to the Nintendo Wii with a copycat, motion-sensitive controller and five Wii Sports-like games bundled within it battery-operated, bar-of-soap sized "console."

And at some $80, as opposed to Wii's $250-odd price tag, SwingZone Sports is a nifty, perhaps frugally-alluring idea, to be sure. That's the thing's entire sales pitch, in fact, "like Wii but cheaper than Wii."

Small problem, however: it's crap.

You can almost forgive SwingZone Sports' 1980s, gag-me-with-a-smurf era graphics, the chunky blotches that pass for characters and sport-themed environments, up and animated on screen with all the fluidity of a slide-show. Almost.

And sure enough, the simple little motion-sensitive controller, sporting a directional-pad and two buttons along with internal accelerometers, mimics Wii's waggle and twitch sensibilities like nobody's business.

But here's the thing: there's only one controller and no option to add a second should you be sucker enough to want one, allowing a second player to join in the smurf-gagging graphical farce, Wii side-by-side style.

The game does feature "Bowling," where two players can take turns using the controller to usher a splotch down an aisle in hopes of toppling some taller splotches. And there's "Golf," where you whack a splotch across three shades of green.

SwingZone's "Baseball" game mode, meanwhile, is not really baseball at all, rather 1 or 2 player batting practice, better described as "twitching practice."

Similarly, the "Football" game is merely one or two-player-trade-off target practice, undifferentiated from twitching practice save for the gridiron scenery and the ability to peg a cheerleader off in the background (actually, that's a lot of fun).

Worst is SwingZone's attempt at "Tennis", which is single player only, which is exactly what you don't want in a knock off of Wii Sports' most popular 2-player game.

All that at $80 is just plain shameful.

Fear not if you can't afford a Wii but want a little low cost indoor sports play anyway, because there are better and yet cheaper options out there, conveniently found at every major department store near you and everything: A spatula and a dog biscuit, $3.36 plus tax. Twitch away, Merrill. Twitch away.

By a long stretch, one might consider Ultimotion SwingZone Sports as an aptly forgettable little distraction for the RV or cottage, but even then, not at $80. Wait until you find one at a garage sale for ten bucks... then offer five.
 

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